This is my 'happy place'. It started out life as a dog enclosure, but the dogs hated going in it. Now I've decorated it - added sun loungers, a comfy sofa and some plants - they love coming in here. Dogs are not silly.
It's Sunday morning and I'm on my second cup of coffee. I did have a sleep in this morning, but that followed a very restless night, so it was more of a necessity than a guilty pleasure. I have suffered from insomnia for as long as I can remember. There are good periods where I actually hop out of bed with energy and enthusiasm. At the moment though, I open my eyes, groan and give the alarm clock 'evils'. I hate those glowing red digital numbers.
My husband Steve is also having trouble sleeping. We wake up, look at each other's tired faces and smile. What happened to those young, bright 20 something's we were when we first met? Having kids changes your life, no parent will argue with that.
When I was pregnant with both my children, people would ask that ol' chestnut "what do you want, a boy or a girl?" My answer was always the same, "I don't care, as long as it's healthy." I honestly did not mind. One of each would be lovely of course (I never wanted anymore than two), but not once did I question that they would be healthy.
The first ripple in our tranquil pond with Sam was when we decided to have prenatal screening done - the Nuchal Scan. I was 38. We had not done it with Zoe two years earlier and I still have no idea why we decided to go down this route with Sam, but we did. Not for one moment did we think it would come back showing any problems. So when we got the phone call telling us that the results of the scan had shown there was a 1 in 3 chance our baby could have Downs Syndrome we were floored.
Although nothing would change our minds about going ahead with the pregnancy, Steve and I agreed that we would rather know for certain. At least we would have the remainder of the pregnancy to adjust and prepare. So we opted for me to have an Amniocentesis. The ten days that followed the procedure while we waited for the results to come back were horrendous. It was like living in slow motion. I still remember the day that I received the phone call from the Genetics Counsellor. I was at my parents' house. My voice shook a little as I spoke to her. I could hardly breathe. The moment she said the words "everything came back normal" I burst into tears. It took a little while to explain to my poor parents, who were looking on with worried faces, that they were tears of joy and relief.
From that moment however, the rose coloured glasses were shattered. My husband and I realised that things can go wrong. As I said before, I still can't explain why we chose to have the prenatal screens done with Sam and not with Zoe. It wasn't until much later that I realised that perhaps this experience may have helped prepare Steve and I for the bumpy, but beautiful road we now travel.
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